MSM Confessions – 1 Year Older

Aging as a Single Mom

Every year around the time of my birthday, I start to go through an emotional phase. On Friday, I will be 45 years old! Here are my quick thoughts:

• First and foremost, I couldn't be more grateful to be alive. Life hasn't always been easy and it still isn't at times, but I have an amazing son that I will live for always.
• With age comes more experience and knowledge. I've become comfortable with who I am and my confidence is higher than ever.

Here comes the long part...

Getting old sucks when you are single. The older I get, and the longer I am single, with each passing birthday, I feel fear. I really do not want to spend the rest of my life alone. I always keep the faith that I won't, but I might be starting to freak out a little. I had my son a month before my 38th birthday. If you told me then that I would still be single at the age of 45, that would have been a tough pill to swallow.

I remember clearly turning 43 and thinking, this will be the year I meet someone. I met many people but no new relationship of significant value. Then came the age of 44. Again, I thought, this HAS to be the year I meet someone amazing. I did meet someone amazing, I met a few amazing people.  We all are amazing in our own way. However, again, I am still single.

Here I am today, a few days before my 45th birthday and the anxiety has begun. I have so much more life to live. I have so much more in life to look forward to. In reality, 45 is the new 35 so I am good. I have spent the past few years growing my business and being mom. I honestly haven't had much time for dating nor have I wanted to make the space for it.  So this year, instead of saying this will be the year, I am not. This year, I have a few goals and one of them is to make room for dating. You can't have what you want if you don't make room for it!  Happy birthday to me! 45 will be great no matter who I meet or do not meet!